Becoming Vegetarian

Holy shizzzz, I haven’t even wrote about it. :O

Well hello, My name is Danna and I am 7 months clean. -of meat. My decision to become vegetarian is really not all that hard to explain. About 8 months ago I picked up a book from one of my favorite authors; Jonathan Safron Foer. It’s called Eating Animals. Man, The things he writes. The things he says. Just the fact of the situation itself..

Chicken is fucking delicious. I said it. I am not at all sensitive on that subject. Chicken is yummy in my stummy. It was 7 months ago, anyway. I wanted to try the whole vegetarian thing. I imagined it was going to be difficult, but never did I think it was gonna be impossible. It has become such a major thing in my life. After reading the book I sat down and pondered about those silly vegetarians missing out on grandma’s delicious pork. Then bam. I told myself, ‘hey if they can do it for years, I can do it for 60 days.” And there it was. In April, I challenged myself to a 2 month vegetarian trial. -just to see how a mess I would be without chicken or pork. (I’m not much of a steak eater.) I said only 2 months. *rolls eyes* How hard could it be. Just 2 months. 60 days.¬†I thought.

Well here I am, 7 months without meat. I feel fantastic. I feel so accomplished and I do feel proud of myself. Wanna know a secret? Without trying, I lost about 6-7 pounds. 2 pant sizes. ūüėÄ I wasn’t really looking for that kind of progress at all. Just simply to strengthen my will power.

Well, its mighty strong because on Thanksgiving dinner, this was on my plate: Mashed Potatoes, green beans, pasta annnd TURKEY. I started eating my mashed patatoes, and pasta and so on, but as I kept forking my turkey, I could not bring myself to eat it. I’d bring it towards my open mouth but something stopped me. Aside from my cousin taunting me with “Oooof. You wont be able to say you’re vegetarian, now.” or “Man, you’re gonna have to start you’re counting all over again.” I was getting a bit hot. As I was munching on my green beans, I told myself that I didn’t have to eat it if I didn’t want to, nor did I have to miss out on it if I didn’t want to. I finished my plate and left my turkey there.

I didn’t feel too good about telling grandma, that I’d be passing on her turkey this year, but she smiled and said it was fine. So see, it was a perfect Thanksgiving.

I have been clean for 7 months. And I feel fantastic. I think I’ll stop once I hit a year, but I can’t really say, you know? ¬†But I do plan on indulging in some beef burgers once my grandpa comes back and cooks for me. And you know what? Before or after that, I want to challenge myself to a 2 month Vegan lifestyle. Ha. we’ll see.

Just remember, you are only as strong as you train yourself. I have had to go through some pretty cruel times becoming a vegetarian, but I am well adapted now. Though at times, I do miss chicken in my salad or in my pasta, nothing compares to my strength. I’m pretty proud of myself.

So all of you meat eaters, Try it. Even if its for 2 weeks. You’ll be pretty surprised.

i must admit though, I need vegetarian friends… Midnight dinings with my BFFS aren’t treating my mind too well. Ha. (:

And to those vegetarians out there: Much respect to you.

-danna

Slacking.

Hey followers!

I am soooo sorry I haven’t been posting. For some reason I keep thinking I have been busy, but we all know; that’s no excuse. When I really think about it, I haven’t been as busy as I wish I could have been.

Let me catch you up on a few things. By list of course, and I promise to hit the topic individually, soon!

1. I can freely drop the “Army” subject once in a while to my family -just not at the dinner table. I guess you can say that’s ¬†progress… *shrugs shoulders*

2. This year was my first VEGETARIAN Thanksgiving. …wait, did I ever tell you that I was? Boy, do we have lots to talk about!

3. Renewing for my EAC has been a pain in my ass and apparently everyone else’s ass too.

4. I have managed to stay unfocused with school. *rolls eyes* I know, I know.

5. Why is there a huge space btwn 3 & 4. bleh, the obsession will now control my life.

6. Boyf and I have been on some pretty good terms lately. ..if ya catch my drift. (; {not every wink is a dirty wink, ya nasty.}

7. I am going to start my own YouTube channel.

8. I’m seeing my lawyer soon about my decision to join the Army. *happy dances*

There. I had to leave it on an even number, because odd numbers are just… well, odd!

Keep writing bloggers and keep reading fellow SWS-ers.

-danna

Some just ask too many questions. -Personal

What do I cherish the most?

People: I cherish those people who believe in me. Those who believed in me from the start, not just when I began to better myself.

Places: I cherish the Tower that over looks Downtown Kansas City. Its breath taking, goose bump causingly beautiful. It make you cherish life.

Things: I cherish books. This is my favorite response. I cherish books because they take me to a good place. They take me to a better person. A better character. I cherish books because when I’m losing myself, I began to find me through out the pages. I cherish words. I cherish writing utensils. Words come out better through my hands than through my mouth. Life makes sense when I write.

What is the biggest secret that you have?

I told you, I don’t have secrets. I have untold stories. Plus, if I had “the biggest secret” I would ruin that with just telling you, wouldn’t I?

What is one of your best untold stories?

That’s better. The fact that I was once capable of loving someone as much I loved one before. -that is my best, yet.

Loved? Why past tense?

Because. Love only finds you once. Once, if you’re even lucky for that.

So you don’t think you’ll ever be able to love again?

Yes. I do believe I will, one day. But I’m not so sure I’ll be able to love so bold, so hard, so fearless as I once did?

Who’s this lucky guy?

See, that’s why its an untold story. Moving on?

What makes you the way you are?

Other people’s lives. Lives I don’t want to have. I try to live the opposite. But not too good.

Biggest regret?

Letting go.

What did you let go of?

I don’t remember. I’ll let you know if it comes back to me.

*confused look* But how would you know what it is when it does come back?

Because it’ll be the best moment in my life. Who wouldn’t be able to know that?

What do you want to accomplish before you ‘kick the bucket?’

I want to live. Not just live, but live.

What do you want for your future?

I want to be like the lady checking out at my register. She was about 50-60 odd years old and bought a lot of portraits. “I’m just having fun.” She said when i asked her how she was doing. “I’m spending all my money. In a good way.” Gosh, the light in her soul was blinding me as she spoke. “I’m still trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up.” And she smiled. I want to be like her. Happy. Full of life. …butttt with a doctorate degree in neurology. But I do want to be happy.

If you could tell yourself something, what would it be?

I talk to myself everyday. You’ll see my driving and the radio won’t be on because I’ll be having a full convo with myself. I’m such a weirdo. But I beg myself to believe in me.¬†To not trust in the future -too much. To live a day at a time, but with a small plan for tomorrow, just in case JC wants to give me another day. I mean, we gotta plan ahead a little, right?

Tell me anything about you.

I’m a sophomore in college that will soon join the army. I am starving for success and I will do just about anything to get there. I’m a control freak at times and I like things done the way I picture them. I’m open minded to just about everything. I’m the type who will drive hours just to keep the convo going between me and I. I believe there is good and bad in everybody. I believe one day I’m going to be the person I have always been chasing.

What do you believe in?

I thought the last question was the wrap up to this interview. I believe this question does not fit in and calls for a whole other post.

-Danna

Dirty Mirror

Why do we rely on reflections to rate our beauty? Why do we trust so much in a reflection? Dirty mirrors make us think dirty things about ourselves. Why do we let a simple reflection determine whether we’re ‘pretty’ enough, ‘skinny’ enough, or even¬†good enough? Why do we allow ourselves to be wounded by our reflection? To be stabbed at something that just stares back at us?

Darling, you’re good enough. You’ll always be.

Tell me who taught you that your beauty can be determined by a dirty mirror. Tell me who it was that put that filthy thought in you.

A dirty mirror will never be able to go into your soul and tell you that you are perfect. Nor will a clean mirror. Because honey, no piece of glass could ever be clean enough to show you how truly beautiful you really are.

So, if you don’t like your reflection; its okay. Don’t buy another mirror. Simply clean it. And I don’t mean the mirror, sweetheart. Clean the reflection. Clean the soul in that reflection. Clean it from those thoughts, because you are beautiful. No matter how dirty you feel, you are truly, amazingly gorgeous. And I promise you, that smile of yours, gosh, it kills us all.

Think beautiful, talk beautiful, be beautiful -wait, you already are.

Girl, put the mirror away. You have it all.

-Danna

The Public Library

I really was trying my hardest not to type in WordPress in my URL. I ¬†need to do homework. Especially the 4 essays that are on my prep list that my professor wanted to give us the 2nd week of classes. I need to knuckle down, man. I was trying so hard to not go on WordPress, but being here in the public library, there are just so many things to blog about. Don’t get me wrong, public libraries are awesome when home is too loud to study or when the patio is just too damp to concentrate. In that case, the public library is the best friend.

So I sit here. Trying my best to do my research paper on C. Chavez and the Grape Boycott when this extremely handsome, well suited, nicely shaven, deliciously smelling business man props himself right next to me. Right next to this exact computer. Briefcase and all, he sits and with a beautiful grin on his face he turns his head and grins. AT ME. Agh. 

I cannot help myself but flush and smile this corny little girl smile, like I just heard daddy say he’s taking me to the carnival. I’m helpless. Suddenly I find myself typing at a slower pace than my normal 79 wpm.¬†

“Can I borrow your pen?” (!!!! :O !!!!) Here I am smiling like a total idiot as I stare at my pen not even believing he’s talking to me. “It writes in purple, ” I say embarrassed. Dammit Danna, you need to start carrying the professional colored pens, my conscience growls.¬†“I think my boss will be amused.” I hand it to him and in a not so creepy way, I stare at him as he sways the pen left to right as he writes. He hands me my pen while barely brushing his arm against mine and says,¬†“Thanks, very smooth,”¬†

Is he talking about my pen or my skin? Definitely not your skin, you weirdo. She says again.

I freeze and stare at my screen and from the corner of my face I see his grin. He licks his lips and releases a chuckle. Instinctively, I look at him; regretting it the minute I do. 

“You’re a fast typer.”¬†

“‘Typer’ isn’t a word. Thanks…,” Dammit. Why did I just correct this handsome, important looking man? Do I have to ruin everything? He turns as he arches his thick dark eyebrows at me and says, “You see this suit? When a professor says a word, don’t correct him. Especially when its a well-given compliment to a very pretty girl.”

OMG. Someone wake me up! …wait, he’s a professor? WHAT? he’s so young looking and so… so hot.¬†

I smile and I keep typing slower than ever. He notices, “Please, don’t slow down. You’re pretty fast.¬†I like.” Woah.

People stare and I flush. I can feel my olive skin tone turn red. He winks. 

Oh my. 

I try to ignore him as I dig in my back pack in hopes of escaping from this man who is absorbing my concentration. “Did you find it?” LOL I laugh out of nervousness and I scream to my conscience, KILL ME.¬†“What? Huh? Find what?” I say blankly and not to mention, stupidly. “What ever it is that your desperately in search for, ” he smiles that awfully, incredible grin.

“Where do you teach at?” I have no idea where that came from, but I needed to get him off my back. “I’m an online professor.”

“You have to dress that way to teach kids online?

“No, I have to dress this way if I want to see a very pretty girl like you.”

I die. Right there. I stare at him as he tries to find the words that are trying to escape from my lips. I just smile. And again, I flush. All awkwardly and such. You’re such a dork.¬†“T-th-thank you. i studder.¬†

“What are you studying?”

“English. Grape Boycott.”

“Oh, very well then. History and English, my favorite.”

“Mhm,” is the only thing that I could muster out.¬†

“How long until you leave?”

Am I annoying him? “Soon. As soon as I get more info on Cesar Chavez.”

“Oh,” he raises his eye brows again, killing me once more.

I try to block him out as he pulls out his iphone. I continue to type and he interrupts me by clearing his throat.

Staring at him, I grab my water bottle and wait for whatever he about to say with that profound look on his face. 

“I hear the coffee shop across the street has great coffee. Care to join, miss.”

“Please don’t do that. I’m Danna.”

“Danna. Fits you. Would you care to grab coffee? I can help you gather some info on Mr. Chavez’s impacting movement.”

I look at him. Part of me is so ecstatic and fluttery, and my conscience part is annoyed, trying to just get work done. I grab my pens and notebooks and put them in my bag. 

“I¬†hear the Espresso is great,” I say, even surprising myself.¬†

“Espresso it is.”

We both get up and I see the faces of the other people. Oh man.

“Wait, who are you? I didn’t even bother asking. I’m so sorry!” I say so embarrassed.¬†

“it’s the suit, I’m telling you. It’s Luc.”

Luc. Luc the most handsome, well-suited, delicious smelling business man I have ever met in the public library. I follow him out the door to our cars. And I definitely cherish the moment. He holds open the door for me along with the crowd coming in and out. I watch as he moves so delicately yet so impacting. Greeting the strangers that look at him looking at me. We walk in noisy silence and I can’t help but stare at his dark complexion as it glistens with the sun rays.¬†

“Danna… Danna…” I open my eyes and I see Meredith, the cute little librarian softly touching my shoulder, begging me to wake.¬†

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I guess the Grape Boycott wore me out,” I say, turning my head towards the computers in hopes of finding Luc.

“Are you almost finished? You’ve been here since this morning non-stop studying, you need to rest. You work in 2 hours.” I glance at my phone. 14:47.¬†

“I better go. It’s a good 35 minute drive. Thank you,” I say, still confused.

“Have a great day Danna, get some coffee or something. Take care.” I frown as I wave, “See you tomorrow, Ms. Mer.

Disappointingly I pack up my things and start for the exit.

An espresso sure sounds yummy.

ūüėČ

-Danna

 

 

An Award for me, An award for YOU

Feeling guilty as ever because I have not posted in response to¬†Empathy Deserves A Comeback. He nominated me for the Sunshine award for being a positive and inspiring blogger, which put the cherry and chocolate syrup on top of my fantastic sundae. I love getting that kind of feedback, because really, that’s my goal as a blogger.

So upon acceptance of this award, a few things need to be done. Mike had re-posted the¬†rules which really are quite simple. (Don’t ask me why it took me so long…) ūüėõ First of all, Thank the person who gave you the award, then answer the ten, or how many questions are provided, after that, make sure you nominate your favorite blogs at the moment, ask your questions and then place the award on your blog! (Btw Mike, or any of you reading; how the heck do I post the award on my blog? I’m such a newbie. {not really, i’m just having the most trouble figuring out WordPress!}) That’s all!

So, Muchas Gracias¬†Empathy Deserves A Comeback. Knowing that I created something positive and inspired even just a single soul, definitely made my day. It still does even just thinking about it! I followed your blog a few days ago and I enjoy your posts. I wish you the very best on your recovery! Oh by the way readers, Check out his “I DO” post; it is GRRRREAT. (I’ll comment under your post, Mike, as soon as I am done with this!

Mike’s Questions My Answers:

1. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?¬†Oh my! Haha. Well I can definitely confess that the most embarrassing thing happened most recently. I was playing soccer with my older brother and a friend of ours. I wasn’t feeling good to begin with. I was battling with our friend for the ball and as I was about to make my shot, I pass gas. (I’m grateful that you guys aren’t seeing my face right now.) It was such an embarrassment. You can’t even imagine. Just the way it happened. We fart, it happens. It just wasn’t supposed to happen then. Ha.

2. If you could have any animal for a pet, what animal would you choose? A panda, because why not?

3. Who is the person that has inspired you the most? My family have always been my inspiration. But really, my past experiences are the ones who have really inspired me to be the way I am.

4. What is the best movie that you have ever watched? Cold Mountain. Check it out. Its a ridiculous Romance story with a very realistic ending as opposed to such a corny cliche one. I love it. & its quite humorous, too.

5. What is one flaw that you have? Sometimes, I take life too serious and forget to smell the flowers. I need to breathe. I do, but sometimes I forget to exhale.

6. What is the one thing in life that you appreciate most? Thing? Books. They take me to a world different than mine. They open my eyes wider than they already are. They make me feel alive.

7. If you were to live in any time period, when would you choose to be alive?¬†I don’t know when the era was, because everyone says different. But I’d of loved to be in the “Good ol days” whatever those days were. Take me back or take me forward to those days.

8. What do you love most about yourself? I¬†love the fact that I can inspire others even when I don’t know I am doing it.

9. What is your favorite candy?¬†I absolutely love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

10. If you were able to choose a celebrity to date, who would it be? Ben Aflek. He is inspiring to me.

And now HERE are my fave blogs for the moment…

Surrendering to Simplicity because you are an amazing writer and you are awesome for making such depth out of something so simple. Keep writing please.

Girl On the Contrary¬†because I love your “Thought on a Friday” posts. Keep doing it!

Write, Write, Write, Sleep, Wright¬†because you have the power of writing Haikus that can tell a whole story that a narrative essay or novel takes pages to reveal. “Blinding Lies”, I really like.

The War In My Brain¬†because your posts are simply simple. Nothing to try to think about. Just something great to read. ūüôā Oh, and your cats! I lovvvve.

Twirlybunny because I like your short posts. It just gives your followers an inside scoop what your day. Whether good or bad. Keep at it.

So here are My answers, bloggers!

1. What is your best vacation memory?

2. What is your top 3 pet peeves?

3. What made you blog?

4. What is your 2 favorite work out songs?

5. If you could change the world, what would you do?

6. Would you rather skydive or get in a pool with tarantulas?

7. What is your culture? How is is special to you?

8. What author do you recommend me? I enjoy fiction, romance(humor romance), young adult, tragedies, self harm/help, abuse, real or not, I love reading about it. Who do you recommend?

9. Where do you want to travel?

10. What is it about life that you cherish? Any noun is fine.

There you guys go. Answer away! Keep writing, all of you.

Good luck!

-Danna

What Does Love Mean to Me?

Love. What a lousy word for such a strange feeling. But really, its not just a feeling. I must confess it is also a state of being. A place. A person. A thing. Love is a noun, but much more. Love is where you want to be. Where you need to be. Where your heart wants you at. Love is everything and anything you want and do not want. Love is so much more than we can handle. Yes, we. 

Love is a confusing place. You don’t really know when you’re there, until you actually fall on your ass and bruise your heart. You don’t ever really know when it happened, it just did. Some way, some how.

“We fall in love like we fall asleep. Slowly, then all at once.”

John Green. He was so right, and still is.

Love is a place where you don’t mind the the rhythm being off beat. Where you can be there all day to hear the waves crash onto shore and splash you with the coldest water, only to hit you back into reality. That’s what love is. Love is cold, but yet warm. Too cold to make you bitter and too warm to burn your insides. Only you get to decide what love truly is, and how it will make you. Inside and out.

To me, love is when you can sleep at night knowing you have the best out there. Love is satisfaction. Its illumination. Its charm. Love is never wanting to let go even though you know someday you’ll have to. Love is hand holding until your hands sweat, until your knuckles turn red and the in between of your fingers become sore. Love is not giving a damn what is done in public. What is said, or what is expressed. Love is a place we’re all afraid of entering, because we all know one day we’ll have to exit.

We are afraid to love because we are afraid to hate. We are afraid to hate what we once loved-who we once loved.

Love is giving everything to someone – and I mean EVERYTHING; more than you thought you had…knowing that it is very possible you won’t get the same in return. Love is getting out there and doing that something no one would have seen you do. Love is a place we want to test all of our senses. A place where we die to be in, yet live for it. Love is thinking there is a happily ever after. Love is not giving to shits of what the outsiders say or hear. Love is a rumor waiting to be investigated Love is knowing you will get hurt but there you are swimming with the sharks. That’s what love is. Careless. Wild. Free. Scary. Who am I kidding? Love is fucking frightening. Its a place we are too young to be in, too old to try, and just right to give it a shot.

Love is nothing written above. Love is what YOU want it to be. But to me, Love is a place I am dying to go to. A psalm I am dying to listen to. A taste my tongue is dying to savor. A smell my nostrils are waiting to come by.

Love is wanting to be wanted. Love is being desired in all ways shapes and forms.

Love is my friend, but yet my enemy. Love is my life, but yet it kills me. Love is not being able to control the flames coming out of me. Love is nothing that everyone says it is. Love is something no one could ever give an explanation to. No one, but yourself.

Love is waiting for you to let it in, no matter how much time you fall and get bruised. Love is precious. Hang on to it. And if you don’t know if what you have is love, hang on to it more. Because love is the unknowing.

Love only hits you once. Once. Only if you’re lucky. Only.

TBC…

-Danna